The Gym #3 (What it is Yo)   Leave a comment

Ah the gym. I love it. Well, on some days I also hate it (see other Gym posts). But mostly I love it. The people that comprise my gym never cease to amuse me. The older men are set in their ways, the older women complain, the young men watch the girls while flexing in the mirror, and the young girls complain about the young men.

To the older gents:

You have forgotten why you come to the gym. Yes socializing is a large part of it and is healthy for you, but so is using the equipment here. Have you noticed that you no longer sweat when you work out? Yeah, that’s because you have been using the same bike every day for 20 years and if that bike could produce electricity you expend just enough energy to have baked a potato. Over the last 20 years.

To the older ladies:

I am sorry but the water exercise class is for other people too. I am sorry the instructor doesn’t look happy. You are sogging around in front of her and you are wearing a bathing suit. Oh yeah and you were complaining about the water temperature, and the number of people, and the lack of music, and the volume of music, and the lack of friendliness at the front desk when you walked past them in your bathing suit. Please… stop complaining.

To the young men:

News flash… the bench press works your chest. Not your arms, not your legs, not your back, not your shoulders, not your abs. Your chest. So when that is all you do what do you expect from your body? That is why you have skinny arms and no legs. You look like 2 grapes on a straw. Nobody but you cares about how much you bench. And here is a free tip: girls like friendly guys. Smile. Say hi and walk away. In fact, don’t even stop. Say hi and smile as you are walking by. Do this for a few weeks before you default to your regular pickup style. You know what I mean, when you walk up and start telling her the “proper” way to perform the exercise that she is doing, while she is wearing her headphones. If she frowns-walk away. If she does not remove the headphones-walk away. If she won’t look directly at you-walk away. If you ask for her number and she says “um… uh… ok”. don’t wait for the number-walk away. Do NOT flex in the mirrors. Do not spit while working out. Oh and ps… that shirt you cut up that lets us all see your nipples while you lift? Yeah, throw it out.

To the young ladies:

If you tempt them, they will come. What’s that? You don’t want the guys staring? Hmmm where do I start? How ’bout you try wearing shorts that do not expose the lower half of your fanny that you are so self-conscious of? You can’t wear clothes to attract the young guys without attracting the older guys. That’s just how it is. I know you want to make that fanny smaller so stop doing squats and leg presses that make it bigger. Nobody likes doing cardio exercise but that is what burns fat off. If you don’t like doing it then maybe cutting back on loaded fries is the answer. Just shooting in the dark here. The dumbells won’t help. The leg lifts won’t help. Cardio. Or eat right. Your choice.

To all of you:

Stop looking for affirmation and start looking for information. Don’t ask everyone the same question until you get the one answer that lines up with what you are hoping for. Example: You-my ankle hurts when I run. Me-you run a lot? You-every day. Me-stop running for a week or 2. What you have is a repetitive-use injury. It will go away if you rest it. Use a machine that does not involve impact on your ankle. You-well but what can I do so I can still run? Me- blink* blink* um… you need to rest the ankle and let it heal. You-right, but I want to run today.

Don’t get me wrong- I know this sounds like a load of complaining but really I enjoy it all. I really do.



Posted August 10, 2011 by john b in Uncategorized

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