Oh These Perks Are The Perkiest!   1 comment

I work at the YMCA in Batavia. From time to time the Y gets boxes of samples to give to our members. They are placed out on the welcome/reception counter and usually with coupons.

Items you might find samples of are: Men’s Razors, Deodorant, Shower Gel, Other Toiletries, Baby Toilet Trees (just kidding), Gum (trident tried its new flavor tuna-melon on us first), and Hand Lotion. There are others but these immediately come to mind.

At the moment we are giving away Golden Graham Treats. They are bars made from Golden Grahams cereal with chocolate chunks and marshmallows and a chocolate platform to hold it all. Sounds like a child’s or PMSing mom’s christmas list doesn’t it?

Anyway… if you have walked around the Y recently you would probably have witnessed most employees munching on these bars. Let me tell you, they are delicious. And I think I have diabetes now.

Whenever we have freebies the employees indulge. Why not? We don’t get any other perks so its nice to save 3 bucks once in a while when I am given travel size bottles of Axe “Sword of Zeus” flavored shower gel with little bits of real sword for that freshly scrubbed-exfoliated feeling.

This all got me thinking. I bet if I were to sneak up on most employees at that time they probably all smelled like Axe shower gel. And when we were giving away sample size packets of hand lotion I could probably shake hands with anyone in the building and find that they felt like a freshly oiled baby’s belly.

We gave away men’s razors once. They were some serious, 5-bladed weapons of warfare in the battle against hair. I took a few. They went quick so I am sure many people took a few. I wish I had the good sense to watch my fellow employees for signs of razoredness; smooth and silky arms and a peculiar way of walking. Think about it, you’ll get it. I am not explaining it.

Those razors were incredible. 5 blades. The 1st blade makes polite and mood-lifting conversation with the hairs to set them at ease. The 2nd blade sneeks up behind the hairs and covers their face with a rag covered in whatever that stuff is that makes people in old movies faint immediately. The 3rd blade is a trained ninja that cuts the hair off at the base using a sword that a noted swordsmith/sushi chef made for him. The 4th blade keeps an eye out for intruders and occassionally video tapes the action to post on his youtube page. The 5th blade caresses the skin around the hair follicle and sings softly as the follicles awake from their unconscious state.

I think the next samples are going to be allergy meds and stool softeners. That’s a blog waiting to happen.


Posted August 31, 2011 by john b in oh ssstop

One response to “Oh These Perks Are The Perkiest!

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  1. John…. you are such a good writer….makes me giggle!!!!!!!!!

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