I Broke My Best Fred   Leave a comment

I am a trainer at the YMCA in Batavia. Ok, I know you all know that, but every time I start a blog I like to tell myself that someone new is going to read it and maybe they don’t know me. So there.

Anyway, I was working one day and my friend Fred rolled in to lift legs. That was a joke. Fred’s last name is Roll. Fred rolled. Get it? Thats how Fred Rolls? When he gets old and fat I will say he has Fred rolls. OH OH! He should open a bakery and call it Fred Rolls! Sorry, I will stop now.

SO yeah he came in and I proceeded to put him through a leg workout. And his knee dislocated. And I took him to the hospital. And he has to get surgery. And I cried. Well I didn’t cry but I felt bad. And guys DO cry so it isn’t that crazy of a thought to think that I cried. Sheesh you guys are so judgemental. But I didn’t cry. Much.

To be honest Fred has had a problem with his knees for quite some time. This wasn’t the first time it happened to him. Or the 2nd. Or even the 3rd.

He found out that what he suffers from is kind of a common condition…

for young athletic girls.

Yep, Fred has the knees of a 12 year old female soccer player. Or “sockist” as they are commonly referred to in my own mind and probably nowhere else.

Let me be fair to Fred. Imagine the Greek warrior Achilles. Amazing warrior that pretty much can’t be beat other than his achilles heel. Ironic huh? I mean, what are the chances of that right? Well Fred is Achilles.

Fred has it going for him. He is a big muscular attractive guy. Extremely attractive. Extreeeeem… um. uh… well yeah, he is pretty good looking. If you are into that sort of thing.

Guys are jealous of him. Believe me. You should see the drama in my gym because guys can’t just keep from comparing their… um… muscles.

So when God was making him He gave him exceptional biceps, and chest, and other great stuff. But… when He got to his knees He found that all He had left was a pair that came out of the 12yr-old-girl bin. Its only fair really.

Kind of funny though because now at the gym we have an excuse. If I am not doing well at an exercise I can just say its cuz God gave me the Vastus Lateralis of a pre-teen bieber-luvin chick named danielle.

And when Fred is feeling fiesty and dogs me cuz he can bench a Fiat and I can only bench the equivalent of a small bag of cat food I can say, “Oh yeah? Well at least my knees don’t break when I look at a set of stairs!” At which point I run. Up some stairs. I heard that if a bear is chasing you, you are supposed to run downhill. Apparently bears can’t run downhill very well. Well if a Fred is chasing you then you should run uphill. The steeper the better.


Posted May 9, 2012 by john b in oh ssstop

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