Honey-Crisp Apples

I feel like a sucker.

Not the candy kind. Like when you fool someone. I have been fooled. Duped. Suckered.

I am in love with Honey Crisp apples. If you have never tried them, don’t. An HC apple will ruin all other apples for you. You won’t want any other kind after tasting the crisp tart sweet yumminess of an HC. I bought three of them yesterday. For $6. SIX DOLLARS!! What. The. Heck.

You see… after having HC apples for a while I stopped buying apples for a few months. Then I went back to buy more but I just couldn’t bring myself to pay $3 per pound for an apple. So I bought Gala apples for $2 per pound. Eh. I have bought a bunch of different kinds but then I came to my senses, hiked up my britches, then unhiked my britches that were then up in my business, and bought the HCs. 3 apples for $6.

Is an apple worth $2? Doesn’t seem like it. But really, when you reason it out, it might just be worth it. I pay more than $2 for my morning 16oz NOS. And that 16oz of eyeball-opening-orangy-caffeiny-nectar of the gods is terrible for me. And you. But an apple… an apple is GREAT for me!

I put peanut butter on mine. I slice an apple up and put PB on the slices. Truly it is one of my favorite things to eat. So… 2 bucks? I guess it really IS worth it. But for fruit? Isn’t it funny what I will pay money for chocolate chip mini muffins, or beverages, or a cheesy gordita crunch, or  _________, but spending $2 for an apple makes my heiny pucker. It shouldn’t, but it does.

Those Honey Crisp apples ruined me. This is why I will never try expensive bottled water. Seriously, what would happen to me if water was ruined for me?

I mean, do I really want to spend 3 or 4 bucks per bottle of water that tastes like water? I bet it doesn’t. I bet if I try expensive bottled water I will find out that regular ol’ water really tastes like it was filtered through an old shoe just worn on an august afternoon, then used to soak a pair of gym shorts, then rung out into the dirty hands of a gorilla that just threw his own poo at his buddy gorilla that ticked him off cuz he acted like a gorilla, and then that water ran out of his pooey hands and into a bottle. And I drank it. Why did I drink it?

I drank it cuz I didn’t know better. I didn’t know I could buy water that is the tears of an angel that cried for joy when a baby angel was born. And the tears were then showered over the baby and collected in a tub. And then used to wash the face of David Beckham and his wife that spice girl that needs to eat something soon. And then the tears were bottled up and blessed by a man who can levitate (but i think it is a trick. he must be sitting on something. why doesn’t he ever levitate from a  standing position? And why do guys that can supposedly levitate always have to be from far off, really poor countries. They are always in a tent, with candles, dimly lit, on a cheap video. and always from sitting indian-style position.) and then sold to people who dont want to drink water that was shoe and gorilla filtered. nope. that’s not for me.

So if you want to never settle for any other apple, go get a Honey Crisp apple.