June 27 – A perfect day for asparagus   Leave a comment

well it is blog time again. i don’t really have any one thing that will be the theme of this blog. i have had a few things tickle my fancy lately (my friends know that i have an extremely ticklish fancy). and well, my friend nick mieney is dogging me to write so here is my blog in nick’s honor.

yesterday i went grocery shopping and realized something about myself. i can be thinking- “gee whiz im in a great mood cuz i found everything i was looking for in the store and the sun is shining and for the first time in my life i actually think some babies are cute and i cant wait to tear into this pomegranate greek yogurt”, then go the self checkout section (i am very independent to the point of offending people that try to be helpful), and lose my good mood in seconds. so i can be in the amazingly good mood, but when i scan that first item, and am putting it in the bag, and the computer voice tells me to put it in the bag not even a second after i have scanned it… i swear i cant control the expression my face makes. i reeeeeaaaallly want to smash that stupid machine.

seriously i need to work on that stuff.  i get derailed pretty easy some times. the problem is the primer to that situation. you know when you walk up to the self checkout area (no i am not talking about the mirrors by the dumbells at the Y where the guys check out themselves, i am referring to the machines at Tops) and there are a couple of people waiting, but as I am standing about 3 people back i realize that one of the 6 checkout machines is actually open but the person at the front of the line hasn’t noticed yet. ok sorry, that was the longest, worst sentence ever written.

but yeah, the checkout is wide open but the person hasnt noticed. so that is the first test. i usually pass that test rather easily. i over-ride my natural instinct to roll up a nearby magazine and hit them in the back of the head. no i am not cruel. i wouldn’t use a cosmo mag. i would grab a slightly thinner and lighter mag-rag that has a cover claiming that tom cruise is having an affair with a time-travelling fan from 2025 who saw the Mission Impossible movies and liked them (but doesnt like Vanilla Sky at all and wonders why he made it but still loves him enough to travel back in time and have an affair with him).

 so yeah, i kind of chuckle off the clueless shopper and step up to the next free checkout machine. then i scan my first item and the voice says “please put the item in the bag” before i can get it into the bag. instant sour mood. like using a sour patch kid for a suppository. you know, those super-sour candies that make your eyes flutter and half close and your cheeks quiver.

i am still generally in a good mood most all of the time. i love the summer. my thing is that when i lose that good mood, cuz i got irked, it usually brings out a rather extreme response from me.

lately i have been thinking a little more violently. i hope this blog isn’t used as evidence later after i have gone postal and people say this was the first signs.

like, for instance… (oh ps, never start a sentence with “like, for instance”)  

i think that politicians that obstruct items that would be for the good of the country, but are not from their party or would otherwise not serve them personally, should be shot for treason. im serious. the politicians we have now dont care about the country. they care about the advancement of their political party. we need an impartial board who reviews the actions of our government officials without knowing their names or party and determines whether their actions are selfish or without regard for the people. then the penalty is imprisonment or their legs. they can choose.

soccer players who flop on the ground, pretending to be hurt, should be trampled by all players still standing. or, upon video review by a panel of hockey players, they can be subjected to a beating by the opposing team.

so thats a couple of thoughts i’ve had recently. oh and i have been eating asparagus today, hence the title.

 

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Posted June 27, 2012 by john b in oh ssstop, philosofickle

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