Time, and Time Again. And Again.   Leave a comment

time = experience

there are just some things you don’t know until you have lived long enough. you have to go through some experiences. i am an adult. it is weird to type that. i go to school with individuals who some might consider to be kids still. i mean really, when is a person an adult? you might be 18 and in some circumstances you are a grownup. you are responsible for some things. but when you get to 25 years of age, and look back at that younger you, that 18 year old… was that you really a grownup? no, i don’t think so. for me that is certainly the case. at 38 years of age I am just starting to see myself as a grownup, and only in certain circumstances. very few circumstances.

getting older has taught me some things. let me rephrase that. getting older has SHOWN me some things. whether I actually learn from those things is my choice. so getting older has taught me SOME things. a few things i still haven’t learned. there are some hard lessons. the voice of age says things like, “don’t wear that. ever again. ever.” but I might answer; “why? it’s still really cool.” and age responds with, “did you just say cool? you did. you said cool. i rest my case.”

some things are much harder lessons. you might be going about your business and by the end of the day the voice of age might have told you that, “you are not as strong as you were once, and you never will be again.”
“the most attractive you was 8 years ago.”
and realizations start to set in like: you actually are not as smart as you thought you were because you keep trying to learn new things and they are not sinking in.
you are deeply flawed because what the people you love want most from you, just doesn’t come naturally to you.
you have developed habits over the years that either hurt, or might hurt your loved ones.
what was so important to you for years is just not important. did you just waste all that time and effort?
you better figure out a new identity because the one you have is old, faded, and not really you anymore.

age is not bad; it just takes some work. refocusing. it can be a violent process. a serious throw down between me and me. or, you and you. the me of last year feels entitled. after all, isn’t me in the past happier than me in the now? but me in the now is the wiser one. the one who has seen more. knows more of life’s terrain.

i am going to bed now. tonight i had to shed last year’s me. but it’s ok, i’m still me.


Posted March 22, 2014 by john b in philosofickle

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